Adjusting

Monday 10 TH June 2024

Dear Reader ,

No one gives you the heads up on life’s ups & downs.

Life’s obstacles & accomplishments. No one .

You have to feel what you feel in that day , week & month . Just know that you are enough , you are strong , you are worthy .

When life gives you lemons , chug some tequila !

Growing up with good memories & bad , sometimes one out weights the other at times . Believe me know know !!

As Rocky Balboa once said …. 

“ It Ain’t How Hard You Hit . It’s How Hard You Can Get Hit & Keep Moving Forward ” .

On the other hand , as much as this quote is well known , you do not always have to put up with being knocked down . 

You get back up , dust yourself off & stand your ground if required . 

You do not have to take shit from anyone , whoever they are & however long you have known them . 

Take NF ( Music Artist for example ) , song Let You Down . 

If you have not heard the song before , it is very good . 

My point is , you are enough & don’t let anyone tell you otherwise . Whether they are a friend , acquaintance or family member . 

Sometimes you just have to put yourself first & it is 💩 to begin with , however it is going to get better . 

❤️‍🩹 

Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now , a few weeks in , to a month to years .

You just have to be your authentic self & at times it is brutal to do so , however it is necessary . 

There are more songs I could list that I can relate to & you may be able to relate to such as artists of the following : 

Jessy Murph 

Georgiou Music 

Etc . 

You don’t have to put up with verbal insults / verbal abuse or physical , I know believe me it is extremely hard with verbal let alone physical . 

I just want to speak to you about it & let you know that it is NOT your FAULT . 

It is them , whether they are coming from a scared place or just generally saying or doing things becuase , they “ feel ” as though it is their “ authority ” to be that way . Or them trying to be little you to give them a high & make themselves feel better about whatever reason . So they take it out on you or try to be little you mentally or physically . 

Then when you react or stand up for yourself you are in the wrong ….. ?? 

Well excuse me for being my authentic self & apparently being “ incapable ” , “ Stupid ” , etc etc .

NO ! They just are projecting themselves onto you & you should not have to put up with that shit 💩 . 

NO ! You should not have to put up with thinking 💭 about when the next insult etc is coming & living kn the edge , or attempting to live up to their expectations & standards of what they think you should be , wear , act etc .

If you can somehow relate to this blog I am sincerely apologetic to you . 

I know this topic is not easy at all on any scale . 

As Georgiou Music says in his song Unappreciated Queens , I am sorry if you can relate . I shall place lyrics down below to . 

Why do you only love her when it suits you cos thats something she got used to
She don't wanna say the wrong thing or make the wrong move but she lost herself trying To keep you
She don't want no part time love cos' hearts too big for some half assed love and hers Past too dark to keep

That conditional love, always raising the bar then knocking her down on your bad nights
Every row just feels like a land slide
Somehow she's always the bad guy

You can get through this please know you are not alone , even if they say you are , like I have been told . 

Remember like Georgiou Music 🎵 says in this song as well , people forget what people hide on their digitals . 

Even now , three weeks in almost in , as of this eveing on some ways & later this week again for me it will be week three all over again . 

I still have the messages , via text , e-mail as well , I know it just gets me down however  I have not removed them off my phone to remind me why I have stopped contact with them . 

Unfortunately that also ended up being a result in loosing not one but two people that were “ family ” .

I am trying to get used to being back with my birth surname now as I have made a hudge step in changing my surname back to my birth one , after over 20 years of being with the given surname . 

Toxic is toxic , no one , absolutely no one should be knocked down on their bad nights or days etc as Georgiou says as well as remembering abuse isn’t always physical it can be mental too . 

Yes I have the good memories however I also have plenty of not so good memories . 

Just remember you are worthy , you are strong 💪🏽 , you are enough .

Ffs 🤦‍♀️ please stay strong . 

I believe in you as well as I believe in myself . 

It is not going to be easy , it is going to be hard , difficult at times however , it will get easier the pain etc will numb over . 

Don’t let anyone disturb your peace & mess up your mental health please . 

Thank you . 

You should not have to live on the edge mentally & wonder when the next time 🕰️ will be & live day by day wondering “ when is the next time 🕰️ ” .

Etc . 

20 Something Years Later Returning To My Birth City Area

Dear Reader ,

Late April , which was a few days before the last day of April - the last weekend of April 2024 . 

I have known about this trip for a while now , however I had been so excited & also a bit nervous at the same time . 

Hopefully you know if you have read my blogs before & with any luck that I have already mentioned this information previously . 

So I live in Cornwall United Kingdom , & I am originally from Guildford Surrey , I was born up in Guildford Hospital in 1994 .  Which was now officially 30 years ago as we are currently still in the year 2024 . 

I made the journey up with my Mum / Mother this previous weekend now , for a family event . I won’t share too much information of course , however we made the journey from Cornwall up to Guildford , with one stop there as well as one stop on the return to Cornwall . 

It is so strange yet so exciting to see glimpses of Guildford , Mum also drove briefly on the return back to Cornwall day ( Sunday ) , right into the main centre briefly , which wasn’t too far from the memorable old cobble main high street which I still remember  20 something years later . 

Back then , in the 1990’s I must have been ages 3 to 5 years old with that memory , The Body Shop were still a thing ( unfortunately this 2024 , 30 years or just under , that has unfortunately closed down now ) . I remember looking in the shop when Mum had to go in for their products - also animal cruelty free & vegan as well as fair trade . There is this one lib balm I remember has a child , it was the little mini strawberry lip balm , a Red little tub which the mini logo printed on the lid . Which also , made me decide before closure that from this memory way back in the early 1990’s , was the reason as to why I wanted to attempt to be an ambassador for them briefly before full disclosure this year in 2024 . 

With that memory of the cobble high street in mind as well , Mum drove through the main town . 

Once she had done what she needed to do , we set back toward Cornwall way , which was totally in the opposite direction to where the main part of Guildford was . 

We only went for a quick trip back up to Guildford for a family event which was absolutely stunning . 

It is so strange , as there were people at this event that knew of me or even knew & remembered me from back in the 1990’s young age . 

It is crazy in a way how many people remembered me or had heard of me . Some of them I vaguely remember myself , small clips in my mind popped into my head as well from their conversations with my & my Mum present on how they remembered…

 “ Little Me ” as I would & still put it . 

It was absolutely amazing to be honest & I would so much love to return back up there to Guildford with Mum is given the chance in the future .

Yours Sincerely  , 

Yaz / Yasmin 

Count Down To Big City Lights Family Travel Road Trip

​Dear Reader ,

Blimey two days in a row turns into the weekend trip vibes . I literally posted up a blog yesterday . Today is Wednesday 1 St November 2023 - Oh my goodness !! 

Is it really one more sleep ?

 I thought it was two still .

Where has the time gone ?

I definitely need to pack tonight when I get home then .

It has just gone 10 am , I am at the train station making my way into the last day of this week at college . For the beauty course as I mentioned yesterday as an update vlog of my life and thoughts . 

I have grabbed a coffee from the train station cafe & checked the train I need to get me partly to my destination . It has been delayed , I am just hovering at the same place on the platform now . I have just noticed it has been delayed a little more now since I last checked . I have made my way into one of the waiting areas so at least I am out of the cold wind now . 

In a way instead of being miffed off ( annoyed ) , I am very glad and happy that I made the decision this morning to leave extra early to the time I need to be at my destination . So I can relax in a way despite my train being delayed a bit more than it was originally . 

As I still have a few hours or so on my hands to travel to where I need to be . So either way I will hopefully still be mega early either way . My train is currently due at 10.42 am however , I shall keep checking . 

It is rather cold this morning so I am glad I have some what amount of decent layers on to keep me nice , warm & toasty . 

Once I have arrived at my destination , I still have a bit of a walk until I am officially there . Never the less , once I arrive I shall be very happy and content .

I will catch up with you later when I am home again & have started packing . As if I do not start packing tonight now , I would have left it until last minute & that is never a good thing . 

Got the last few things to pack & that is me all packed for the ‘ Big City Lights Family Travel Road Trip  ’

Stay Tubed for that blog . 

Yours Sincerely ,

Yaz / Yasmin . 

Pitter Patter Drip Drop

​Tuesday 31 ST October 2023 : Halloween 

Dear New or Returning Reader  ,

I haven’t blogged in a long while , I am sincerely sorry for that . I hope that I will blog more .

What a day , so much to catch up on too . 

I did do a type up this morning whilst waiting for my train however I think I put it somewhere by accident . So no idea where that has gone . Just shows how long ago I have not blogged for . 

I hope that you are well & that you are looking after yourself . 

I hope that you remember how amazing that you are & you are enough . You are worthy . You are stronger than you think you are . You can do this . Heather your mindset is - from a job , to a college course , to moving out with the old & embracing the new . What ever it may be … however it may be , however long it will be take you . You can do it , it will be - just believe in the universe & some how it will be if it is meant to be . 

What is new you may ask or wonder … ?

Well I am at college in adult education now , doing a Beauty Level Two course . I honestly have my doubts that I can do it however never the less I still turn up , I still push myself . We have just had October half term and it is the first week back . 

I am really enjoying it especially the biology side of things . This is me saying to you right here , right now . If you have any doubts at all on a job , a new home , a personal goal , a college course ( no matter your age ) - you want to do it , do not let yourself nor others stop you . 

Please bear with me a second whilst I listen to the train announcement . I was just listening to it incase there was anything important as there are train line issues going on at the moment . 

That is alright , all good I can get to where I need to be before the last travel home to warmth and dryness . 

On the move now hopefully shall not be too long now . 

Shock horror I am sat in a seat with my bag keep glancing into the darkness . Earlier darkness now that the clocks have changed again . So can not see much if anything out of the train window / windows . 

I am very excited I can not wait until Thursday morning it will be be easy yet so worth it .  Dad & I are going across country for the weekend to see his side of the family . It has been a few months now since my last trip . If you haven’t seen my YouTube channel then my last trip is on there & ready to view . 

I think I may just blog this up coming trip as the days go by or once back . Will see . 

Make a change from vlogging . I don’t vlog as much as I used to either . Although , I love it when I do . 

The rain goes Pitter patter , drip drop this evening , getting colder and wetter the last few days or so . 

The nights are getting longer as well as darker sooner , less light . I quickly poke my head around the window really closely due to the ever lasting darkness that just appears out of no where now due to the time of year . Just making sure I don’t miss my stop . 

I will return soon , to you it will be only a few lines away . To me it will be minutes . See you in a few minutes time .  Also I just seen the ticket checker lady . Please bare with me . Be right back . 

Approaching the station I need to get off now however , had a random thought . Same thought I had earlier this morning whilst waiting for my morning train too …..

Random thought 💭 … 

Have you ever thought 💭 of a random place you have not visited yet where ever it may be & ever thought 💭 about being spontaneous . Buying a ticket or perhaps just driving there …. ??

Or it is just me ? I am sure I am not the only one . 

Okay , be right back . Time to get off . 

Waiting for journey travel number two next - I don’t drive so the bus it will have to be . 

I have some time before it turns up so I quickly had a chit chat with one of the local members of staff here at the station . When you travel most days due to adult education you seem to get chatty with the train station workers . Please bare with my Mum is calling .  

Okay so finally in the warmth on the last hurdle of my journey home . On the bus . 

This may be rather random to you however , shout out to all of the train station employees out there . You are doing an amazing job & you are worthy , strong & enough . 

Thank you so much for your services . We appreciate you all . 

Personally I say this also , as my local travels to and from adult education these past two years now , have been utterly amazing . 

You kind of get to know each person or sometimes one or a few more than the others . Never the less you know you can easily start a conversation if needed with them . 

Another reason as to why I mention this is because , I now know that next week there are not any trains either will be busses thanks to a member of staff I said hello to in passing when I got off my train . 

I know that we are going into November 2023 now well , as of tomorrow any way . One more sleep . 

The reason as to why I am saying this is because , I know Christmas is just around the corner almost now . It is creeping up on us . I don’t know about you however it is how my brain works . 

Christmas is supposedly meant to be all happy and cheerful like you see in most movies nowadays .

However , I like to remind myself that there are less fortunate people out there in the word . So please do not take things for granted nor the roofs over your heads etc . Nor the food upon your plates , the warmth from your heating or fire places etc etc . 

Thank you . Please , if you can spare a thought for those who are less fortunate , or those whom may have what you have however are unable to spend Christmas with their families and friends this year or perhaps any year . Due to war zones past and present . Or even those angels that walk beside us that we can no longer see . 

Please be grateful for the life you have , the people you have around you . 

Thank you . 

Try and focus on what you have got rather than what want have not got . 

It is the small things in life rather than the big things in life . That is what matters at the end of the day . 

These are just my thoughts , I am not asking to agree nor disagree with them . However , this is my personal opinion and thought processes of my blog . 

Live in the moment more , not in the I should have , I could have , etc train of thoughts after something has happened . 

Remember to live more . 

Be kind to yourself however , also remember to be kind to others . 

Think Cat Burns song Live More & Love More , pops into my mind . 

If you have not played / heard of it and are able to have the privilege to have music etc then please do listen to it . Thank you . I absolutely love the song . 

Perhaps I am rambling but that is okay . This is my blog after all . 

It definitely 100 percent feels amazing to start writing my thoughts / thought processes down again . 

I have always been a bit weird about writing them in an actual diary - in a book . I so much do prefer to type as well which helps . 

Once I have definitely decided to wrap this blog up I shall upload a few photos below as attachments to fill the blog up . 

So please do go and check out the attachment photos afterward thank you so much . 

You know what …. ??

I fancy a walk so instantly and instinctively got off when a lady got off the bus . I am a mile out from where I need to be or just under however , I don’t mind and it is raining . 

See you soon . 

Passing quote a few trick or treaters on my walk back ti warmth .  I am surprised on how many people are actually out in this town .  

Have a fantastic rest of the week and weekend everyone !!

Until next time . 

Yours Sincerely ,

Yasmin / Yaz Chappell 

Coffee Thoughts

Hello again ,

I hope that you are well & having a good week .

I am just sat having a cup of coffee at work before I start , just listening to some music whilst I wait . As I being me have rocked up major early with two hours or so to spare .

I am just typing my thoughts away like usual . It is so nice to be back I have to admit , I have really missed my writing to you  . It has always been a part of me however , sometimes I just get into a bad part of mental health and forever that this is my let out & a part of me I can never just shrug off . 

Even if my writing just helps one person or a few I am very happy .

I think mental health isn’t a spoken up / “ speak up ” , kind of topic . Which I think is a totally misunderstood topic .

I think it should be spoken of even if it is a shared experience or just a shimmer of light on the topic .

Good days are great aren’t they ? - Kind of feeling like nothing can damage your day - sunshine all day kind of vibes . Until the darkness catches up with you and then all you seem to see and feel is the darkness as such . 

It is like you are screaming and no one can hear .

You are just looking around with the pain in your eyes from your head , people look in your eyes sometimes and they can’t see it & that is the worst . It is like you  just want someone to turn around to you and say “ I know you are smiling , laughing and perhaps socialising , but I see you . Yes actually see you , I see your pain , I see your hurt , did you want to talk …? ” - That is all you want to hear sometimes but sometimes very rarely you will hear such a thing spoken to you . What is more damaging inside is those days , or nights that you don’t hear it and you just are screaming for someone to say a exactly that , I have just mentioned .

Just remember , although the worlds of “ excuse me , can I chat with you about something that is on my mind ” , or “ Excuse me , have you got a few minutes ” etc or just waiting for someone to notice that you are withdrawn from the world and it’s hustle and bustle of day to day life .

Just know there are people who care & that will take the time to do all of the above , just need to find the inner strength to ask & reach out sometimes & that is blinking hard at times I know .

I still struggle day to day , I am the type of person to smile , laugh and act “ normal ” , & there are days that I just wait for those days when someone takes the time to ask any of the above and reassure me that they are there .

I am a quite confident person most of the time but in those bad mental health days I literally scream 😱 in my head waiting for someone to notice as my voice of thoughts just can’t open my mouth and ask for help - it is like a blockage inside my brain 🧠 .

Just know you aren’t alone & I am hear if you need to chat .

There is many things I think that suffer silently in my head - it is like I am drowning and can’t keep my head above the water at times so if you are ever feeling down , just know I can relate .

There is light at the end of the tunnel . I promise you , just take each day as it comes and never give up . 

I believe in you .

Mind Set

Hello !!

How are you ?

What have you been up too ?

How are you feeling , really deep down inside … What are your silent thoughts 💭 ? 

I am not here to say everything is okay , everything is fine & do not worry yourself about those horrid thoughts you have about yourself etc .

I am definitely not here to say that , so if you think I am here to say everything is “ hunky dory ” & I don’t have any down days well you are wrong …

I am here to speak a little about those inner thoughts 💭 , get you to question perhaps why you are feeling a certain way about something .

Believe me I am writing / speaking here from day to day inner battles with myself as well & hopefully with any luck 🍀 , shed a little light upon your dark days , & let you know that there is no way that I will let you suffer your dark days alone .

I am so sorry I have been a absent for way too long !!

I have been struggling myself over the last year with certain things and the “ darkness “ within those dark days isn’t always nice , is it ?

You get yourself into a habit of this is how I feel and this is now officially my life sort of head space . Believe me , if is so hard at times & luckily well for now I have had some better days these last few weeks however , there are those days that I just think to myself “ why ? ” , “ what’s the point in …. ” etc , etc & that feeling off just full everlasting darkness clouds up everything and everywhere seems dull .

Inside my brain and perhaps yours … if you can relate … ? Feels like an ever lasting , repeating day - best way of putting it in a day of pure darkness ( bad headspace ) , is this way …

I want you to imagine a beautiful beach , with tropical 🌴 palm trees , almost white sand , clear waters , the sound of the ocean 🌊 waves crashing down & people laughing , splashing in the water etc …. ( I will wait a few seconds …. )

Are you picturing it ? , I can definitely … so peaceful isn’t it ? 

Now all of a sudden when you are walking along that lovely beach , waves crashing , people having a lovely time around you , there is this massive loud on going sound that just crashes 💥 louder than the waves hitting the shore , louder than the slight breeze , rustling the palm trees & it is almost deafening you can’t even hear the laughter of the people or any of it anymore . Other than this loud , high pitched or / low pitched bang - ( muffling sound ) that just overcomes your whole being … well that is the sound of your what if’s , your why’s , your I can’t do this anymore’s , your I am alone’s , I am not enough’s etc etc there is a personal long list I could go on …

Relating to any of the ones I have mentioned ??

I would just like to remind you that you are amazing 🤩 !!

You are loved 🥰 !!

You are worthy !!

You are strong !!

You got this !! Even on days it feels like everything is upside down and / or twisted etc .

When your head gets that all muffled sound and you tune yourself out from the world 🌎 , I know it is extremely hard but I want you to know that yes , right now or today or this week is a rough or maybe the roughest time of your life right now …

However , I promise you it will get better , there are better days ahead , there are those good days , try and remind yourself when that muffled deafening sound creeps in again you tell that sound that it can stay temporarily but it has to go again because it is not going to mess with you - “ I am strong  ” , “ I am fearless ” , “ I am independent ” , “ I am loved ” … etc etc I could literally quote a load more that I have personally said to myself may a time whilst in this haze as such .

If anyone feels like any of these etc just know I am here is you want to chat . 

Please remember your 👑’s my beauty’s , please adjust your crown every am & pm thank you daily .

Take care of yourself please . 

Finding It Hard To Relax ?

Hey You ...

Yes You ..

Ever find it a bit difficult to relax ? 

Does your mind wonder when all you want is to clear your mind .... ?

Why Don’t you install a music app or use some YouTube , to listen to some meditation , even if it is for five minutes .

I personally listen to some meditation best when I am laying in bed about to go to sleep . 

Why don’t you give it a go for a week , and then let me know how you feel afterwards ? I would love to know if it helps you rewind and relax .