Coffee Thoughts

Hello again ,

I hope that you are well & having a good week .

I am just sat having a cup of coffee at work before I start , just listening to some music whilst I wait . As I being me have rocked up major early with two hours or so to spare .

I am just typing my thoughts away like usual . It is so nice to be back I have to admit , I have really missed my writing to you  . It has always been a part of me however , sometimes I just get into a bad part of mental health and forever that this is my let out & a part of me I can never just shrug off . 

Even if my writing just helps one person or a few I am very happy .

I think mental health isn’t a spoken up / “ speak up ” , kind of topic . Which I think is a totally misunderstood topic .

I think it should be spoken of even if it is a shared experience or just a shimmer of light on the topic .

Good days are great aren’t they ? - Kind of feeling like nothing can damage your day - sunshine all day kind of vibes . Until the darkness catches up with you and then all you seem to see and feel is the darkness as such . 

It is like you are screaming and no one can hear .

You are just looking around with the pain in your eyes from your head , people look in your eyes sometimes and they can’t see it & that is the worst . It is like you  just want someone to turn around to you and say “ I know you are smiling , laughing and perhaps socialising , but I see you . Yes actually see you , I see your pain , I see your hurt , did you want to talk …? ” - That is all you want to hear sometimes but sometimes very rarely you will hear such a thing spoken to you . What is more damaging inside is those days , or nights that you don’t hear it and you just are screaming for someone to say a exactly that , I have just mentioned .

Just remember , although the worlds of “ excuse me , can I chat with you about something that is on my mind ” , or “ Excuse me , have you got a few minutes ” etc or just waiting for someone to notice that you are withdrawn from the world and it’s hustle and bustle of day to day life .

Just know there are people who care & that will take the time to do all of the above , just need to find the inner strength to ask & reach out sometimes & that is blinking hard at times I know .

I still struggle day to day , I am the type of person to smile , laugh and act “ normal ” , & there are days that I just wait for those days when someone takes the time to ask any of the above and reassure me that they are there .

I am a quite confident person most of the time but in those bad mental health days I literally scream 😱 in my head waiting for someone to notice as my voice of thoughts just can’t open my mouth and ask for help - it is like a blockage inside my brain 🧠 .

Just know you aren’t alone & I am hear if you need to chat .

There is many things I think that suffer silently in my head - it is like I am drowning and can’t keep my head above the water at times so if you are ever feeling down , just know I can relate .

There is light at the end of the tunnel . I promise you , just take each day as it comes and never give up . 

I believe in you .